


Watercolors

by Hai_l_o_l



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25544365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hai_l_o_l/pseuds/Hai_l_o_l
Summary: "You're going blind."~~Akashi finds out some news but he doesn't want to tell Bokuto, his beloved friend so he keeps it a secret. Little does he know the consequences.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	1. News

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first BokuAka! I hope you enjoy it!

Akaashi woke up. He felt tired and energetic at the same time, but he knew either way he had to get up. He got out of bed and changed into running clothes, knowing he had to up his stamina if they were going to nationals. He was a setter, and the setter had the bigger responsibility.

At least, that's what he thought.

He breathed out as he closed the front door, ready to run. The skies were grey, the perfect color of what he was feeling. As he ran, he thought about another color. A bright yellow which reminded him of a specific middle blocker. He smiled, thinking of the navy blue that Kageyama was, and the dull _pastel_ blue which was the tall blonde middle blocker, Tsukishima. Thinking of Tsukishima got him thinking about Kuroo, who inhabited a charcoal kind of color oddly enough, as he would've expected him to inhabit the color of the night sky.

Then came another person. One special spiker whom he entrusted all his hopes of winning nationals, Bokuto Koutaro. He didn't really have a color, nothing really special. To Akaashi however, this was what _made_ him so special. He always wondered what his color was. Did he even have a color?

As he reached three quarters of the way, he decided to sprint the rest.

Reaching his home, he walked in and downed a glass of water, then went straight to the shower. When he was finished, he went to change into his school uniform. He packed his clothes for the after school practices, and proceeded to go downstairs for breakfast.

He sat down and glanced at the food. Various colors filled the table which got him excited. He loved colors and loved comparing them to people and emotions. He loved the way he could connect to colors on a whole other level, like volleyball!

"Keiji," his mother called out. He gave her his full attention.

"Yes mother?"

"Don't forget you have that doctors appointment today." He went back to the food and grabbed his chopsticks as well as his bowl of rice.

"Alright. Thank you for the reminder," he replied respectfully. He ate silently as he thought about colors yet again. He felt like... the color of honey. He smiled with the chopsticks in his mouth.

That seemed about right. The shade of raw honey.

~~

School was normal as always. Everything was the same. The class, its difficulty, as well as the people. It was steady, like the color orange for some reason. He never reasoned with the colors, they would just pop up for whatever he felt and/or heard.

Ironically though, he never liked art class.

There were times where he struggled to see the actual artwork in itself. Sometimes the lines would sway or the shadows prevented him from seeing much, but it had happened often before, so he didn't pay much attention. He just decided to focus on the colors instead.

~~

"Bokuto-san," Akaashi tapped the captain on the shoulder.

"Akaashi! Where have you been?! I've been looking for you!" Bokuto shook the setter, shaking an answer from him. Akaashi simply sighed as he was used to the overreacting spiker.

"I had business to attend to. Plus, I need you to let the coach know that I'll be late to today's practice." Bokuto frowned.

"But why?"

"I have a doctors appointment." Bokuto simply stared at the setter before he hugged him.

"No! Akaashi! Don't die!" He smiled softly as he patted the other.

"It's alright, it's just a checkup." The other backed off, his hands still on his shoulders.

"Don't you dare leave me behind alright?" Adding the small pout made Akaashi laugh.

"Yes yes, I will not leave you behind."

~~

"Okay, everything seems good." The doctor paused. "Is there anything else that seems to be bothering you? Maybe lack of concentration, or any abrupt pain anywhere?" Akaashi thought about it and shrugged.

"No, nothing currently." Then he remembered something. "Ah well, I had this problem for a while but, sometimes when it's a bit dim it gets really hard to see. There are also time where the lines seem to be moving but I'm not sure... I'm sure it's nothing." The doctor took some notes and thought about it for a second.

"I could be wrong..." the doctor whispered. "Hmm, I'll let you know what I find. Anything else?" Akaashi shook his head no. "Alright, this appointment is done! You can leave now. I'll let you know what it is when I find it." Akaashi bowed his head respectfully.

"Thank you."

~~

Akaashi walked in the gym, ready for practice. As he warmed up, he saw the way everyone moved, the way they jumped, and received. In a way, he analyzed them, thinking in his head what he could do to better the team in his own way. He began to feel frustrated, feeling a deep shade of red, like the gem garnet.

He talked to the coach, assuring him that nothing was wrong with him currently, so he went in for the 3v3.

As always, Akaashi and Bokuto were on the same team, his feelings being uplifted, turning into the shade of a ruby. After a chance ball gave them an opportunity, Akaashi had the ball in his hands, ready to set to his beloved spiker.

He missed.

His vision felt like they shifted for a moment before he took in his surroundings. He felt dizzy momentarily before he could focus again. As he apologized, his anxiety began to spike, now feeling like a deeper shade of red, the shade of blood. He felt a hand on his back, a feeling of reassurance rushing through.

"Akaashi! Next time okay?" Oh that wonderful voice, the bright tone. He could almost smile back at his friend, the only colorless person he knew.

"Yeah," he whispered, not wanting to show much emotion. He felt nervous as this had never happened before. He took in a deep breath and the 3v3 continued.

~~

After practice, Akaashi got a call from the doctor's office. He decided it was important and so excused himself.

"Hello?"

"Yes, I am looking for Akaashi Keiji?"

"Speaking."

"Could you come in really quick tomorrow? After school of course, around the same time?" Akaashi seemed a bit concerned.

"Yes of course."

"Alright, I just need to discuss with you about your eyes." His eyebrows furrowed, clearly confused and worried.

"Is there a problem?" There was a small pause on the other line before the doctor continued.

"Let's discuss that tomorrow."

~~

What the doctor was going to discuss with him was eating at him. Akaashi was imagining all the possibilities. He shook his head. He was sure it wasn't anything serious, but he couldn't help but wonder.

School went by fast as he was itching to know what was so wrong. Was it infected? Did he have some sort of problem? Was his vision slightly impaired? Would the treatment cost be too expensive? His brain went into an overdrive trying to think of the answer. He sat down, impatient and wanting the answer he deserved. The doctor sighed and looked at him straight in the eyes.

"You're going blind."

Well that certainly wasn't the answer he was looking for. He held his breath.

"Is it-"

"It can't be cured. The treatments that are available won't do any good." The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry."

The apology rang in his head.

He felt desperate, like the color purple, a dark wine sort of pigment. He felt like he was suffocating.

"When?" He breathed out, feeling light headed. "When will I be completely blind?" The doctor shook his head.

"I'm not too sure, I guess in a few months or so? It all depends."

'Nationals are coming soon. Maybe if I...'

"But you mustn't strain yourself too hard, otherwise it could worsen much faster than you'd want it." At that point, everything went blank. After a few statements he thanked the doctor and left.

Now the red drowned out his thoughts. He was going to let the team down... No, he couldn't, he had no choice but to continue on forward. He breathed out, feeling light headed again. He could feel the small droplets fall down to his cheeks and trail to the ground. He forced a smile as he sighed.

'How pathetic,' he thought as he walked home, feeling blue.


	2. Conflicts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter wasn't too bad!

Again, Akaashi woke up for the third time in the middle of the night. He sighed, now feeling like the color of a dark whiskey. How he knew that color, he didn't know.

He tossed and turned in his bed, feeling uncomfortable and tired. He wanted to sleep but something was bugging him. Maybe it was the news from earlier today? Maybe. He sighed again, feeling numb. He thought about nationals. Then he thought about his teammates and how goofy his whole team was. He thought about Bokuto and his craziness and the way he laughed and smiled. The team felt like a beautiful shade of blue, the nice blue that sat on the ocean surface and soon faded into a deeper darker color. That was the team he fell in love with.

That was also the team he was going to let down.

From a dark whiskey, he faded into an obsidian black. His emotions overtook him and he felt lost and empty. There was no light where he stood, nothing. No hope for him was left, and so he cried himself to sleep.

'Might as well get used to it I guess...'

~~

He woke up feeling tired, no surprise there, and checked the time. It was somewhere around six in the morning and he felt like crap. He needed to run and so he chucked himself on the floor, rolled on his back, and got up to change. Somehow, it worked, but it was an embarrassing method so he refrained from using it.

He laughed at himself and took his shirt off, grabbing a gray shirt from his closet, and putting that on instead. He changed out of his plain white pants with his black pants with a stripe of white going down the side of his legs. He grabbed a plain navy blue windbreaker and got ready for his run.

He was tired but he didn't care.

Once he walked out, he noted the color of the sky. It was still dark but the colors were such a beautiful combination of gray, and hints of both red and blue.

He smiled, soaking it in.

He breathed in and sighed, wondering when he would lose his sight. He shook his head no, and forced himself to think about running. He ran up to half the distance before he decided to sprint the rest.

~~

During his classes, he was clearly distracted, not wanting to do more than what was needed. He sighed more often than usual and felt gloomy all throughout the day. He was feeling more and more like the color gray.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Akaashi?" He paused for a moment before he realized who was behind him. There were students around him who were questioning why a third year was talking with a second year, but once they saw who they were talking to, they understood and walked passed.

"Yes?" He turned around to see the other. Bokuto stared at the setter, waiting for an answer while Akaashi was also waiting for an answer.

It was a little while before Bokuto dropped his hands and smiled.

"You good?"

_No._

"Yes, I'm doing good," he lied. He forced a smile back and turned back around, ready to leave for lunch. He could feel a hand again on his shoulder.

"Um! Uh, you want to have lunch with me? You seem down." Akaashi looked down, having little energy. "Plus we haven't had lunch together in a while..." he muttered under his breath. Akaashi turned back around and smiled again.

"That sounds nice, but I assure you, I am perfectly fine." Bokuto cocked his head to the side, a small frown appearing.

"You say that, but I think otherwise. Was it about the missed toss that one time?" His heart sank. His smile dropped along with his gaze. He breathed in and forced yet again, another smile. 

"That did bother me but no, that's not a problem. I heard yesterday's practice went well though." Bokuto perked up.

"Ah yeah, I was going to ask you about that. Why were you gone? Another doctor's appointment?" Akaashi contemplated whether or not he should tell him the truth. He had to tell the coach at least.

"Yeah, but it wasn't anything important. Just needed to finish the checkup. Something came up so they had to reschedule. Now hurry before the lunch break ends." Bokuto froze. He forgot that lunch was going to end sometime, so he rushed off, taking Akaashi with him.

"Right! We gotta hurry!" The setter laughed, his worries momentarily gone. 

Oh how he wished it would last.

~~

As he was warming up for practice, the lingering thought seemed to have attached itself to his heart, the sinking feeling being more prominent as the seconds slipped by. He glanced over at his teammates, a feeling of pure despair piling within. He told himself not to worry, but it just made it worse.

Now it was the color of copper. Or maybe it was steel?

Something plain and simple, something no one would bother with. He heard that American pennies were made from copper, yet no one cared for them. Then there was steel. What about the shade of steel? The color?

No, it was always gray, or silver, never steel being its own color.

He told himself to take a mental break. Think about the color of sapphire. The nice, deep shade of blue that give it the most beautiful shine. The stunning bend of light, the pigment, the...

"Akaashi!" A hand slapped his back, bringing him back. Of course it was Bokuto. Luckily, no one noticed his color monologue, as he would call it, and simply smiled and nodded.

"Let's do this."

~~

Today's practice wasn't half bad. Nothing like the previous one. No big mistakes, nothing major, nothing anyone would take note of. 

Today's practice was good.

The feeling of raw honey came up, the color, the sweetness. He felt right with the world, but it only made his despair worse. The happier he felt, the more he felt naive, and the more he felt naive, the more he felt used, terrible, forsaken.

Now he felt like dirt was mixed in with the honey. Although it had its beautiful parts, it also had its imperfect parts, its tainted, dirty parts. Though it had its beautiful parts, it was disgusting.

Akaashi hugged himself in the corner after everyone left the locker room. The only in the room was him, just him. Bokuto went somewhere outside but as long as he wasn't in the room he was satisfied. 

Akaashi tightened the hug around his legs, feeling more dirt added into the honey.

_Pathetic_.

He could hear a small voice.

_Useless, worthless, just a piece of trash._

He could see the color of blood drowning out the ruined honey.

_Letting your team down._

The feeling of cold needles just digging in his skin, his neck, his lungs, his heart. The feeling of being suffocated even though there was nothing. The feeling of dread just made him isolated.

_Just give up._

"Akaashi?" His attention shot in the direction of that voice. He didn't even notice the door opening.

"Bokuto." It took him a moment to notice the few tears falling from his eyes, only to confirm after he touched his cheek, feeling the tears. He wiped them away, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry I just..." He trailed off, conflicted. He didn't know whether or not he should tell him or not, to keep it a secret or not, to expose himself, to ruin his image, to-

His thoughts cut off after he felt a warm embrace. It was warm, the shade of honey once again filling his mind. It was rather soothing. Then he noticed the hair and the other features.

"Bokuto-san?" Bokuto tightened his grip, Akaashi finally realizing who it was.

"Why're you crying? You did so well today. You did nothing wrong." The feeling of reassurance slowed his heartbeat, relaxing him. His lips curved to a small smile. Bokuto backed off and looked at the setter, then smiled brightly. "Even if you did, I wouldn't care! I mean I don't know if everyone will agree but, you have the _best_ tosses ever! Without you, we wouldn't have gone so far!"

Now that reassurance began to fade.

Although he knew Bokuto meant the best, it just made things worse. The pressure he subconsciously placed made the suffocating feeling come back tenfold. His tears now became sobs as he held the other for comfort.

Bokuto, confused as he was sure it was a positive speech, simply complied and held the other back.

"It'll be alright Akaashi!" He added a small chuckle to brighten the mood, Akaashi responding with a chuckle of his own.

"Yeah..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might take a while updating the next few chapters, my writers block is killing me T^T


	3. Butterflies

It was quiet, aside from the small sniffles that seemed to echo. Akaashi wiped away his tears and took a deep breath.

"Thanks," he muttered as he smiled gently. Bokuto smiled brighter than before and chuckled again.

"Heehee, no problem!" He held out a hand. "So shall we go?" 

~~

"You don't have to walk me all the way home," Akaashi exclaimed, shocked that Bokuto was still by his side even after they walked passed the spot they would normally split at.

"I know, but I'm worried! Let me walk you to your house." The same grin brightened the mood, as the setter once again, forgot about all his worries. That grin, that way too bright of a smile, he would miss it, he knew, he was definitely going to miss it.

'Just let me stay like this a bit longer,' he thought.

"So, do you remember?" Akaashi snapped back into reality.

"Huh?" Bokuto blinked a couple times before he had to backtrack, almost forgetting what he said moments ago.

"Oh uh, least year. We were doing a practice match, our very first one, and I remember it so clearly too. I was getting ready to spike and you tossed to me for the very first time. I remember thinking, 'holy shit, this is different', but like, not in a bad way," he waved his hands to deny the negative connotation that it gave off. "More like a, 'I will never get a better toss than this' kind of way. Did that make sense? I don't know." He simply shrugged.

Akaashi couldn't help but laugh, his way of explaining things made him happy, giving him a funny feeling inside, the color lilac flashing in his mind.

"Ah..." Bokuto scratched his head in confusion. "Anyway! What I'm trying to say is this. You are amazing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! And, um, it doesn't matter if the others say you're not the best, your tosses will always be enough for me!" He paused for a moment before he put his hands on Akaashi's shoulders, facing him and grinning. "Alright?"

'But I won't be able to toss to you soon.'

That bitter thought broke his heart, but seeing that bright grin, he forced himself to at least smile. He felt that lingering dread just trailing.

_Pathetic._

After walking and talking for a few minutes, they finally arrived at their destination.

"Thank you for accompanying me, please walk home safe." He bowed his head and headed for the door.

"See you tomorrow Akaashi!" He subconsciously smiled.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow."

~~

He stayed in his bed, staring at the ceiling. That lilac color brushed up against his thoughts, sort of feeling lonely, if colors could feel. Akaashi could almost laugh, but even he didn't really know.

The feeling of butterflies in his stomach grew stronger, but he dismissed it as being too nervous, anxious, confused. That bright wonderful smile popped up in his head as he too, smiled. He clutched his pillow, but then decided to get up. He wasn't sleeping anytime soon, so he decided to grab a book and read. As he inspected the small collection of books he had, curiosity got a hold of him as he thought about that color lilac. He grabbed his phone, as well as a random book, and looked up the flower. In the box below, he saw a small description for the flower. Then something caught his eye.

"Lilac, the color for which this flower is named, represents one's first love."

He turned off his phone, put away the book he was going to read, and went back to bed. He hid under his covers as his grip on his pillow tightened. He flushed, red, embarrassed.

'No, no, no... I do not love Bokuto. He is simply an upperclassman, and he is sweet, and bubbly, and kind, and oh shit, I'm in love with him...'

His thoughts ran wild as he tried to calm himself down. He needed to go to sleep. There was no need to think about love at the moment, just school, and nationals, and... and...

He sighed. His thoughts went straight back to Bokuto. His grin popped up, making him smile as he remembered it. He smiled so hard it hurt his cheeks, making him laugh in the process. He closed his eyes and relaxed, the feeling of dread no longer holding him for the time being.

~~

'Today is the day,' he told himself. 'I have to tell the coach.' He continued to walk towards the gym, but he was terrified. What if he got benched? He didn't want to get benched, he loved playing volleyball. He couldn't stop now, especially with nationals on their plate. The grip on his book bag tightened as the red garnet overtook him. 'Okay, let's do this.'

He walked in and heard the familiar squeaks of shoes rubbing against the gym floor. The sound of people spiking, receiving, serving. Feeling a bit like the color Hint inhabited, he decided to wait. 

'I'll tell him after practice...'

~~

"Bokuto-san!" Akaashi tossed to the ace of Fukurodani. Luckily the practices were going well. The coach blew the whistle and called everyone. He explained to each of them what they needed to work on and what went well. All in all, it was positive. 

The setter started to walk towards the locker rooms, only to be reminded halfway that he needed to tell the coach about his condition. In the end, he decided against the idea. 

'Our practices have been going well, maybe I don't need to tell him...' 

As they were changing, he started to notice Bokuto, mainly because he sat down in an awkward position and that he didn't even change yet...

Akaashi, concerned, went up to him. 

"Are you alright?" Bokuto looked up with a pout. 

"I uh... nothing..." He then looked back down, clearly struggling to keep it all together. Akaashi couldn't help but chuckle, seeing how the ace was acting rather adorable. Once he took note of that thought, he stopped with the chuckle and simply flushed red. He cleared his throat and went to grab his bag. 

"Okay. If there is anything I can help with, just let me know." He glanced back and saw Bokuto with a bright smile. Oh that blinding smile. 

"Okay!" 

~~

The next few practices were going smoothly, as well as his morning runs/sprints, his stamina going up. 

Finally, came the day of nationals. Their first match was against Eiwa High. It was their first match and already.... He messed up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Man writers block suck ToT but I'm almost finished! Yay! The next chapter probably won't be the greatest chapter since dialogue is not my strongest point... But I shall try!


End file.
